These People Are Trying To Make ‘Hand Salad’ A Thing Because Humanity Is Devolving

What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “hand salad”?

Well I’m sorry to inform those of you anticipating a cannibal story involving the delicious deli stylings of a murderous local bistro, but that isn’t the story you’re about to hear. Instead, prepare yourselves for what could be the most despicable food crime in all of history.

While it’s no surprise that we as a society have come to appreciate fast food and low-maintenance meals, there are just some foods you don’t mess with. I consider myself to be a salad lover and will admit that not once have I thought to myself, “Boy, this salad is so yummy, but you know what would make it better? Eating it with my hands.” But for those of you who find using a fork and knife too taxing for your culinary needs, food magazine “Bon Appetit” has unveiled a finger-licking good salad recipe that the internet is going crazy for…but not in a good way.

On Monday, the publication posted a hand salad recipe which is basically nothing more than a few leaves of romaine lettuce accompanied by a lemon-yogurt dressing.

Now if you’re cynical like I am, the first question that probably came to your mind was “if someone doesn’t have the time to make a traditional salad, why would they make any effort to make their own salad dressing?”

Also, couldn’t you pick any old dippable vegetable and call it a “salad”?

Another thing I found perplexing about this hand salad was that the directions say “arrange romaine leaves in a bowl,” you know, like you would with any other salad. But what’s most mind-boggling about this culinary crime is that people are paying over $40 to eat this nonsense.

But because the internet is the greatest thing ever, people aren’t being fooled by this handheld health trend.

If we just add the word hand in front of every food, does that make us master chefs?

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We call that pizza from where I’m from.

I hear this salad pairs well with finger sandwiches.

But hey while we’re at it let’s try out a “hand PBJ” and add it to the menu of an upscale lunchbox meal.

But of all the hilarious reactions to the hand salad, none of them have spoken to me on a spiritual level quite like this:

Would you order a hand salad if you saw it on the menu at a restaurant? Let us know in the comments and be sure to share this foodie folly with everyone you know!

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